i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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