Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
