dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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