the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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