she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
