walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
