Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
