This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
