They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dignity is for republicans.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
