you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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