True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
