She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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