Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
