Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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