im drinking this country out of the recession.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
