There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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