don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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