Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
