I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
