Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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