I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
