This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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