every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
