this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
