Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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