I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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