the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
