Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
