pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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