So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
