just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
