i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
