I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
