he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
