I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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