woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
