I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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