This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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