I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
