It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
