I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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