just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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