Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
