apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
