My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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