we're blogging at a bar
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
