Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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