That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
