Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
