one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
